Food Porn

I miss sandwiches. 2 pieces of bread, a ton of meats, cheese, condiments, veggies (if there’s room). Cutting it down the middle, diagonal always seemed erotic to me. Plate it with a bunch of salt and vinegar or BBQ chips, and a big-ass pickle. A carbonated beverage at it’s side. Damn… what a meal.

Subs even more. Meatball subs, cheeseburger subs, bbq chicken tender subs, italian subs, any of them with a 20oz of Coke (or a cherry Pepsi) and a big-ass bag of those chips.

Or even PIZZA. Definitely pizza. Best topping combination – are you ready for it? BBQ chicken, bacon, and pineapple. Yup. Pineapple. If you’re a pineapple-on-pizza hater you could always sub it for banana peppers or just stick to your “adventurous” cheese. FOOL.

We’re all different people and like different things. Hell, pizza places can make a great cheese pizza but once you add pepperonis to the mix everything goes out the window and you’re eating a tire. You have different go-to pizza toppings. It’s okay, you’re just wrong. Kidding, kidding.

Unfortunately, nothing I’ve listed is healthy. If it was, I’d still be eating them without fear of my health (especially in these times) or gaining 50 pounds in 2 weeks. Trust me, I could do it. Until I slammed on the quarantine-breaks, I was headed there.

Even going out to eat, there’s good choices we can make. Even McDonalds has a pretty decent salad. But It’s not the food from restaurants I’ve been missing lately. Especially not the bill at the end. My other half is an amazing cook that makes food to our palettes, appetites, and our health. And cooking at home is always cheaper.

I miss the people. I miss the noise. I miss the atmosphere. I miss talking with the bartender. I miss trying new drinks and new foods outside of my comfort zone. I miss recognizing someone even if I don’t want to talk with them. I miss going from one place to the next and having conversations I would have never had if I stayed home that night. I miss the drunken fools that cause a ruckus until 2am outside of my window. I miss the opportunity to go on adventures, even if that’s just fooling around in a retail store while looking to see if they have that really unique item I don’t even know what it is.

Opportunities. That’s what I’m missing. These are some strange fucking times. It’s only been a few days and it feels like I’m Rumplestiltskin (sp?) forced to take some insane nap and I’m having some crazy dreams. Seriously, I got my ass whooped by some 10 year old last night? He had a black mullet and was wearing a brown shirt. Seen him? Let me know. I’m out for vengeance.

But we’re going to wake up. These times will pass and this will all be a faint memory. There’s this part of me that wakes up thinking that I’m going to open up my news in the morning and it’ll be over… and that’s coming. You’re checking the news too, you know this. Hospitals are starting to empty out around the world. We’re almost there. All the more reason to focus on the positive, right? Positive thinkers talk about coming from a perspective of being grateful, so let’s take note of what we HAVE instead of what we don’t have.

Health! I’m not sick, no one I know is sick… well, not that we know of. I hope that’s the case for you. If you’re indoors and everyone you know is healthy, keep it up – you’re doing great saving the world by being a hermit. I also haven’t totally lost my shit yet, so mental health is holding up.

Toys! I have plenty of things to play with to keep me busy. I have video games, movies, internet, a phone, books, a guitar covered in dust and plenty of other things to keep me occupied indoors.

Communication! I am able to stay in contact with everyone with the touch of a button whether it be phone calls or some internet application. Imagine doing this 100 years ago? There’d be bodies in the streets and basements.

Time! Again, going back to my last post, this is a chance for us to do things around the house we never had time to do before. This could be something creative, could be cleaning, could be home projects. Whatever it is that’s been nagging you in the slightest – now you have more time to do it. You may be occupied with plenty of other things and your increase in time is minute, but it’s there. Honestly, it could be more time spent with your loved ones, in which case, that other shit can sit on the back burner even longer.

There’s so much to be grateful for. For instance, I’ve looked up 100 different ways to replicate a sandwich and pizza while still being healthy. It’s even a lot of fun to live vicariously through others that are making their own sandwiches, pizzas, and desserts. It’s like I can taste it in my imagination … like I’m the one eating it. It’s like I’m right there… I’ll fess up – I’m now hooked on food porn. I think it happened subconsciously with my other half always playing YouTube cooking shows on the TV for hours on end. They make some amazing stuff I would never eat but it’s like watching YouPorn – I’m not touching that with a 10 foot pole, but playing pretend is fun!

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? So when this all blows over, trying on a shirt in a store, trying on that pair of shoes, googling which store has it the cheapest, and just sitting down at the bar and ordering an app and a drink will have so much more meaning to it. I honestly might order a sandwich and a pizza at the same time – just because I can. They’ll be savored and devoured while I try different types of whiskey and tequila and shed countless tears of joy with my pants off.

The only truth was probably the whiskey and tequila…

probably…

About krisoakey

Simply a man playfully chasing enlightenment while encouraging others to join him through mockery, logical anomalies, and hand holding...LOTS of hand holding
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