Shopping Cart Theory 2

There are certain acts that prove what type of fellow human being we are. For instance, take a look at the shopping carriages left strewn about a parking lot. Are you the type of person that leaves your cart wherever you please after getting the groceries in your car? Or do you do the right thing, walk a few steps and return it to its’ designated spot? You know, like 5 feet over there?

After watching minimum wage earning workers go out in the heat, wind, rain, snow, cold, hail, etc. to pick up the carts, it became quickly evident that I will ALWAYS be the type of person that puts the cart back. Even when I was with someone who would feel okay leaving their cart wherever-the-fuck they felt like it, I couldn’t have it on my conscience. It was then up to me to put it back in the right spot… and it took me all of 10 seconds and a few steps across the parking lot. And to be honest, I am sure I jumped on the card and rode it most of the way there too.

If you’re the type of person that just leaves it there, well… you’re just kind of an asshole. Not a malicious one, just the kind of asshole that thinks about themselves entirely too much. Not only have you now clogged a parking spot, but that poor person who is hustling so they can get themselves dinner has to work extra because you couldn’t be bothered to walk 15 feet. Ass. You’re probably the same person that spits their chewing gum into the urinal. Reminder: Someone has to put their hand into the urinal and pick that up. Meanwhile, you could have spit it into the trash which was right next to the urinal. But I guess we see who the real trash is…

Now today, I present to you a new theory. Perhaps it’s not as absolute as the “Shopping Cart theory,” but it definitely presents a strong case to be a predictor of a personality… at least in that moment.

You’re at a red light going straight. There’s someone lined up across from you going the opposite direction, also sitting at a red light. Their left blinker is on, but you’re going straight.

The light turns green, they pull out pretty fast to make a turn in front of you, but you’re also pulling out quickly.

Now remember, you were both at a complete stop so stopping momentum isn’t a case here. It’s strictly whether or not you can be polite and let someone go, or you just going about your day because… well, we’re never going to see that person again anyways. You’re going to have to rely on someone behind you to stop for them or for them to wait until all the “through” traffic has gone. There’s nothing wrong with you blazing past them so you’re not on the hook for anything illegal or really even that morally wrong. But what we do realize is how self-centered you are IN THAT MOMENT.

Some days, sure, you let everyone go. Today you’ve got shit to do and you’re the priority. That’s fine. But we see who’s really in your thoughts. You’re numero uno! Ichiban! It would have only taken you another 3 seconds to let them go, it would have alleviated the traffic on the other side of the road, and you would have done the good deed for your lane of traffic. But you decided, “Nah, my shit’s more important.”

You’re one step away from being the public restroom user that doesn’t flush after the automatic flush doesn’t work. They have buttons on them, guys. No one wants to walk into a stall and stare at your freshly used toilet paper clump half covering the mess you made from a long weekend of burgers and french fries.

Be a good person – put away your shopping cart, throw your gum away, let other people go in front of you in traffic, flush your toilet after you’re done using it. Man, you’d think these would be easily programmed into us by our parents but there’s clearly a lot of savages running around out there spitting gum into urinals.

Stop that. Be better.

About krisoakey

Simply a man playfully chasing enlightenment while encouraging others to join him through mockery, logical anomalies, and hand holding...LOTS of hand holding
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