As Greedy as a Pig

Not everytime that you feel an emotion is it able to pass through you like water through a screen, but sometimes it’s more like a sludge through the screen. Part of it is sticking around, it’s mushed in all the little squares, and it has a slimy residue. There can be instances where it’s like a stream of honey got shot from a supersoaker – some of the honey is in on the bathroom floor while now the screen is attracting flies and sugar addicts. But then there’s times when the residue shot from the supersoaker came from an angle you never saw, you don’t even know what piece of shit neighborhood teen took the shot, you just now know that your screen is a honey bukkake-esque mess and it’s going to take some time to clean it off.

In the end, does it even matter which ill mannered, malicious, and unoccupied teenager decided to attack your home? Nah, not really. How could it? By the time you do all the detective work to find out if it was the Jones’s kid or the Smith’s kid, you’ll already have wasted hours of your life trying to put the pieces together and seek them out. It wasn’t a big deal is the grand scheme of things, you did shit like that when you were younger, get over it. Clean up the screen, go get a new one at Lowes, whatever…just get the fuck over it and quit wasting what little precious time you have

This is how some emotions express themselves. For as often as we can meditate and be mindful of our thoughts, issues, etc., there are just some feelings that will either weigh on you like a weight vest or they’re just going to leave their residue behind like a overused, sweaty weight vest. It was just a bit of honey on the window screen, and it’s actually kind of funny if you think about it. What creativity as far as pranks go. It’s a total waste of honey, but the damage vs. effort ratio is pretty even. No one got hurt, it’s washable, but just enough of a pain in the ass that it’s a prank. I have a real fear that if I ever have a son I might teach him how to Ding-Dong-Ditch.

What really makes things uncomfortable is when you may be left with the residual emotion and it starts to fall onto others. When we’re in the presence of others, do we always have to be happy and behave as such? That’s just not possible. How can we be authentic with ourselves and others but yet not express when we might feel poorly? How can I ever be happy if I don’t ever feel upset? It’s a shame that the moment may pass and it leaves its’ trail, but that’s just how maturing goes. To hold back our emotions, to never work through them, to suppress them…it would only stunt our growth. There may be nothing wrong at all in the moment, everything could be glorious…and we recognize that. But this doesn’t change the fact that something left their footprint. The most frustrating part is not knowing what or who it was. You just know that you have a bunch of sticky honey on your window screen. What I do feel confident about, is that maybe a week from now someone’s going to spill the beans and I’ll finally have a thought as to who owes me money for a new screen. Or who’s house I’m going to egg.

This is probably how I feel about residual feelings from a passed emotion. I’ll throw eggs at them. Really though, there’s absolutely no telling what caused us to feel this way, but I’m sure as hell going to remember how stuck it got and hope that in a week from now I’ll know who decided to rain on the parade.

What a really mature and open person would want, is that they’re able to feel a certain way without it affecting others, without ruining their day. Can’t a dude not express happiness for a day? It doesn’t mean that you have to too, it just means that they’re going to be a little low on energy for this encounter. It’s okay. Life will go on. This too shall pass. But let’s be straight with each other but also not burden one another. There’s no complaints, there’s plenty to be grateful for, but for the moment…something is stuck in the screen. The filter is still filtering. There’s no issues, there’s no problems, there’s just something that needs attention. What is it? Fucked if we know. If I had to put money on it, I’d say it was the Jones’s kid. He’s always running untamed around the neighborhood being a menace. Get off my lawn.

As much as it would be absolute paradise to be happy all the time, it’s just not possible and therefor not paradise. Suppressing nothing means you’re going to feel everything. That means there’s going to be some real emotions that bubble their way up from the depths and you’re going to deal with them. That could mean we deal with the tip of the iceberg sometimes.…but just the tip. Who knows, perhaps what you think are residual emotions are actually the beginning of something bigger. Those tiny air pockets that are releasing from the depths are merely a sign of the tectonic plates of your world reacting. Here comes the earthquake… I guess it wasn’t the tip. You’re getting the whole damn thing.

Or not. Or it’s just a bunch of little bubbles. But they’re here, you’re being aware of them. It’s okay. This is growth. No one said it was going to be fun all the time… or even most of the time. There’s going to be bigger rewards along the way and it’s the commitment to the journey that will constantly reward you. To suppress, ignore, or even engage in all of your emotions will be the reason that you’re held back, left behind, or forgotten. You can just hear them, learn from them, and let them pass. This is how we will continue to grow with the humans that surround us.

Or… ORRRRRR you could find Dennis the Menace JONES, rip that bitch down the street by the cusp of his overalls, and make him clean that mess he made with a toothbrush that has only a single bristle with barbed wire around it. And he’s going to do it in the basement with the lights off. Any light he sees will be of the projected movie of organ dismemberments all while creepy Halloween music will be playing at full volume throughout the night. The entire basement will be painted red so that all he can imagine is his bloody fate for being such a malicious bastard. And then when he’s done using the 1 bristle toothbrush and his tears of fear to clean the screen, you can shout to him, “Happy Halloween! You can go home now”

Or “I’m going to feed you to my pigs. You’re going to be delicious.”

Either or.

About krisoakey

Simply a man playfully chasing enlightenment while encouraging others to join him through mockery, logical anomalies, and hand holding...LOTS of hand holding
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