All the Feels

Not everytime that I sit down at this computer do I think, “Oh boy, I get to write! Hooray!”

I wish. It would be so simple if this task always brought me joy, but at 9:30pm after a long, long Wednesday, the last thing that is on the forefront of my mind is how excited I am to write. In fact, it’s really the opposite. It’s closer to, “Goddamnit, I have to write.” This isn’t the greatest perspective, obviously…but it’s an honest and genuine perspective. Staying consistent isn’t always fun. In fact, I’d argue that it’s not fun at all. You’re saying “No” to a lot of the other things you’d rather be doing. I’d rather be laying on the couch watching a movie, playing a game with friends, reading a book, staring out the window just getting lost in thought about how Plymouth Police doesn’t do the best job regulating drunk driving on the waterfront.

The rewards of staying consistent never come in the moments that you’re dreading…err doing* the work. They come after. I’m not in search of a massive book deal or anything, but really just some inner peace, a mentally serene series of moments, and a better perspective on it all. As I was sitting down at the computer, staring at this screen and thinking about what the hell I was going to write tonight and how much I wanted to sit down on the couch to shut down, I was reminded to shift my mindset. It’s not always easy to do and I even felt the urge to smile at something and rejected it. I bit my cheek so that I wouldn’t smile. What a fucked up thing to do to yourself – depriving your soul of enjoying the beautiful life that we live and the joy that comes with it. Now it’s going to be a matter of rejecting the guilt that is coming from rejecting the happiness. Do you see the insanity that I endure? What is this fucking nonsense? AAAAAAAAAAH!

Regardless of that psychotic cycle, I had an epiphany of why I should be grateful that I GET to write. Tonight, while skipping a training session to help out a family member with work, it came to me – he can’t even type if he wanted to. The poor man took a tablesaw to his finger and is totally one handed for who knows how long.

If I chopped my finger in half…how would I write? How would I be able to type as quickly, how would I be able to ride the wave of my thoughts? Would I make it happen by one finger typing? Would I do speech to text? Would I just quit? These are all hypotheticals that crossed my mind. But what really sank in is that I’m LUCKY to write.

Yeah, I know, suck it up buttercup…we all have long days. I get it. But do we all pursue our creative habits afterwards? Do we all sit down after a long day 160 minutes from midnight to delve into our artistic thoughts and passions? Certainly not. But we should. We should somewhere in the day give ourselves a few minutes to be creative. CONSISTENTLY.

Remember – we’re lucky to be able to do so. There are signs everywhere to be grateful. There are days I don’t want to exercise or days I don’t want to go for the long walk. Well, motherfucker, how about that customer you saw yesterday that had one leg? He sits around and drinks all day. His household just carries a weight of misery. The man lost his ability to do a lot of physical things a long time ago… and clearly he lost his will for it too. Reminder – you don’t have to go exercise…you GET to go exercise.

You’re lucky. I don’t give a shit how down on yourself you get, if you’re reading this… you’re still lucky.

And this isn’t to say that you can’t be sad or have emotions…we all have emotions that range from sadness to anger to happiness to total bliss…that’s the human experience. But we need to know why we have them and not just react to them. Being reactive to such emotions helps us in very specific scenarios. If my life was being threatened, a little anger could help me in the moment. It could cloud my ability to perform, but it also could give me the ability to fight through a little pain from a spike in adrenaline. Who knows… but these emotions do serve purpose.

If you lose a family member or someone crosses you…it’s okay to be sad because it teaches you where your boundaries may lie. These things can’t always be defined by law or principle…it can be emotion that teaches you where something lies within a gray area. Now tell me this…is it “gray” or “grey?” I’ll never know which is which or if there is even a difference. I could google it, but where’s the fun in that?

What I’m getting at is we need to be grateful, and by we …I really mean me. I know I post about this daily, but fuuuuuuuuuck meeeeeeeeeee if it wasn’t the most important aspect in our lives that we should focus on. It’s so easy for these emotions to creep up on us and rattle our cages like a jackhammer to a gong, but if we practice feeling them, seeing them, and recognizing them we don’t have to be subject to them. They can be merely a lesson learned in a precarious scenario. If you get kicked in the balls, fight back. If a girl breaks your heart, realize how good you had it. If you win the lottery, celebrate. If someone cuts you off in traffic, take a deep breath and realize you’re a better person than they are.

Emotions are lessons, they are not our masters.

About krisoakey

Simply a man playfully chasing enlightenment while encouraging others to join him through mockery, logical anomalies, and hand holding...LOTS of hand holding
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