I always felt like when someone turned the race course backwards and considered it “different” was a cop out. Really? Just turn it around and now it’s all super different?
Welp, I guess I’m starting to see the light.
When life was normal, every day’s goal was to get up and get after it, almost immediately. Wake up at 5:30, get to the gym, come home, be showered and ready to get out the door by 8, drink coffee and be creative for an hour …or browse reddit before I’d leave and get on the road for the day.
The goal was to have all the work stuff done early so all the relax stuff could be savored when I got home. The beauty of walking through the doors at night knowing all the work for the day had been done was glorious… I just couldn’t WAIT to get in and spend some time at home. I was always wishing for more time at home. Now that’s all we have. Isn’t it glooooorious, guys? GUYS?!?!? RIGHT?!!??!!?
There were times in my life where I’d leave all the work until the end of the day. Procrastinate and put unnecessary pressure on myself so that it would force me to get the work done quicker. It proved ineffective and sloppy as time went on and as the workload grew. It reached a point where I had enough and decided to take the opposite approach; deciding to start each day with an “attack” mentality yielded success in almost every aspect of my life. I couldn’t imagine ever going back to procrastinating all day and even felt lazy thinking about it.
In quarantine, getting everything done (without piling more onto my plate) in the morning was leaving me restless come mid-afternoon. With the plague scaring everyone into their 6 foot bubble and shutting down 90% of business, I was running out of things from my normal routine to do in the afternoon… except for panic. Had all the time in the world to panic. Constant fears and thoughts about whether or not I have the virus, if I’ll spread it, what if I have something worse. I heard that if my hand is larger than my face I have cancer!… Oh yeah, the list goes on. Paralyzing bullshit thoughts.
Some people are really good at picking up arts and crafts, instruments, and chores to fill their time. Before my indecisive mind can figure out what avenue to take, those fearful thoughts creep in and keep me from doing anything within my own home. The only thing that works to distract me is having a couple cocktails. Even as much as I like drinking, doing anything daily takes the fun and excitement out of it. Then, under the influence, it’s way easier to eat something I shouldn’t.
Today, I went back to saying, “Fuck it… I’ll do it later,” which is a very hot flame to play with.
But, for today, it worked.
Today was different. Today, I woke up late, stretched, wrote for about 30 minutes, and played video games for almost 6 hours. I drank plenty of water, plenty of coffee, and then at 6:30 I decided it was time to get in my fitness for the day, eat dinner, and write some more.
Playing the video games (Elder Scrolls Online, highly recommended) kept my mind busy and immersed enough that I had no time to think about quarantine and plagues. Playing with friends gave me a social outlet so I didn’t feel so alone and in my own head. Pushing my fitness to the end of the day forced me to stave away alcohol. It also kept me much more health conscious so it was yet ANOTHER reminder to eat healthy into the evening.
Any other time, I’d still consider this “lazy.” And sure, it’s definitely not productive. But in a time where we’re being forced into isolation, being forced to avoid our fellow human beings, and being forced out of our routines, I’m calling it “surviving.” When life can resume as normal-as-it-can again, the goal will be to “thrive.” In order to thrive, playing games for 6 hours a day will to have to take a backseat. Now, I could just be late to the party and everyone already knows this, which is most likely the case, OR I’m finally able to let go of the guilt associated with sitting around all day. Or both…
Surely, there’s still opportunities to be had. In every struggle, someone is finding success somewhere. With millions of people out of work, I can’t even begin to think of where that may be. The answer is probably in the prequel to the movie “Ready Player One.”
But for now, the goal is to survive, stay active, and remind my demons that I’m not stuck in isolation with them… they’re stuck in here with me.