Today didn’t start until 9:30am. It’s probably the latest I’ve slept in since … well, I can’t remember the last time I slept so long. Last night I not only drank “sleepytime tea” but I also had 2 “nighttime formula vitamins.” Out like a fucking light and had no intentions of waking up early.
Sometimes I feel like having less time during the day is better; it’s less time to kill. While we’re staying “safe at home” right now, the less time I have to think myself into a state of fear and panic, the better.
It’s now 2pm and still too early for my next dose of caffeine but I’ve accomplished all I set out to do for the day (minus writing this). Journal – check, exercise – check, reading – check… now it’s dealing with the age old questions – “What’s next?”
Well, I’ll be quite honest and I’m sure you can figure out what’s next: Video games. It’s not that I’m aching to play, but while battling the urge to succumb to your fit of madness, video games make for a great distraction.
It’s a distraction from missing all your friends and family, a distraction from having a job, a distraction from existential dread, a distraction from wanting to get more alcohol… but tomorrow is my friend’s birthday so I’ll make sure to have a few pops – but at our respective homes while playing a game together.
Yesterday I went for a drive and changed my surroundings just for an hour. To be outside my immediate neighborhood was beautiful. The sea looked serene, the beach was empty and undisturbed, the trees were starting to bloom and filled with wildlife.
Wait, I’ve got it – we’re living in M. Night. Shamamamallyn’s “The Happening.” That’s it. NATURE IS TRYING TO KILL US OFF… and it makes absolutely no sense. How’s Mark Wahlberg doing with all of this? Is he looking jacked while making confused faces?
The one goal has been to keep my sanity, amongst setting smaller goals with fitness and creativity. Really, I just want to keep myself from having a mental collapse where I fall to the floor in a fetal position and just cry for hours. There have been a few close calls but conditioning yourself to “be a man” for years now makes it difficult to shed actual tears. Even if my eyes well up it feels like just enough steam from the kettle to keep it from exploding.
Now what? I guess more distractions. My opinions are bare, my thoughts are like balls in a juggling act – keep them moving… any sitting still is like a shark that stops swimming.
Elder Scrolls isn’t going to play itself, guys. Might even mix it up and throw in some Call of Duty…