As I sit here, early on a Thursday night, repeatedly clearing my throat (or trying to) and blowing my nose endlessly, I am struck with the dichotomy of how awesome a sick day could be as a kid versus how limited you are when you’re an adult. One was fairly enjoyable while the other is a massive inconvenience.
As a kid you can hang home and enjoy some of those lazy, kid activities. You can watch tv, play video games, read a book, sleep excessively, and do whatever brings you joy while you’re feeling physically down and out. There’s no guilt for not getting work done, there’s no fear that you’re behind everyone else, there’s no thought besides the “now.”
NOW, as an adult, there’s the guilt of not accomplishing as much as you had set out to do from when you were healthy, there’s the FOMO that can set in if you’re missing a gathering or event, and then there’s the thoughts of mortality too. Like, what if this borderline flu is ovarian cancer? Wait, can a guy get ovarian cancer even if they don’t have ovaries? What if there’s a form that can be transmitted to guys? Wait, cancer isn’t transmittible? What if it’s like…super cancer? You know, like how COVID became super COVID for a little bit? Then it became Cooties COVID? Then it became borderline insanity for some people? I saw a couple driving in a car together and both had 2 masks on their face. I don’t understand it anymore, I don’t question it anymore, but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t at least chuckle at it.
At what point do we start to lose our love for the now? When do we grow to become so set in our routines that having a day off from it sets us into some sort of panic? Sure, we all have some drive to become successful. We know that staying the path, putting one foot in front of the other, and staying positive will help get us there, but isn’t it okay to stop for a minute? Sometimes we (literally, in this case) need to stop and catch our breath. No, I don’t enjoy sitting home when I could be training with my friends, working with clients, or accomplishing something that gives me a …sense of accomplishment.
Could I lay on the couch, read a book and fade into a nap? Most definitely. My body feels like a sack of asthmatic potatoes that smoked a bunch of weed with a cigar wrapped around it. Would taking a nap feel amazing even though it would keep me up all night? Yeah, most likely. What about if we just sat here and played a game for a little bit? That would be fun. But would you feel guilty for playing a game during a time that’s usually much more productive? Yup. So would you really enjoy the game? No, but the dopamine kick would be fun. Does being truly unsatisfied with something while it chemically feeds you dopamine allow for you to enjoy it? Is there some deep thought in you that knows that the dopamine kick is being artificially induced?
This is all so confusing. I just want to feel better. What’s wild, is that I typically take really good care of my health, but I guess there are just some viruses that can sneak through the cracks. Look at all those Star War movies – the empire was undefeated, almost impenetrable… but those sneaky rebels were able to land their million in one shot and sneak through the empire’s ONLY defense. Well played, rebels. But seriously, fuck this virus.
Each morning I wake up and tell myself how grateful I am for my health… and today was no different. The thought is, this could be way worse. My health is still great. This little bug will pass. It’ll be gone in a day or 2 and I’ll be back at it. But there could have been something far more terrible that took over. The fever could have been so bad that I wasn’t able to function at all, or I had to go to the hospital. I could have needed some sort of surgery. What if I woke up and I was missing a toe? Just went through all my tenets of being grateful for something and then the count stopped at 9… because one of my pinky toes was gone. Vanished. No trace of the pinky toe. Maybe it got up in the middle of the night and WALKED out… or maybe it tippy-toed. Thank you, you can save your applause until the end.
It can always be worse. We have to be happy for where we’re at. Would I rather be feeling my 100% instead of 50% with a damaged lung? Yup, of course. But what if my 50% was my new 100%? THAT would be far worse, so we’ve got to be grateful for what we’ve got.
On the flip side, what if our 100% could be 150% of what it is now? Multiply how you feel by 1.5. That’s how you feel from now on when you’re 100%. How do we get to such a level? That’s the question that should drive us. How do we constantly improve to become something greater than we are now? What steps must we take to improve consistently so that one day we can look back and think to ourselves, “Wow, I’ve come a long fucking way from where I was before.” So that means, this 50% that I’m at currently, was my 100% of who I was years ago.
Wow… I’ve come a long fucking way. You have too, remember that. Remind yourself of it. When you’re feeling like shit, I guess you’ve got to go with the flow and listen to yourself – inside and out. My body wants to chill. We need to be in a lower gear today and not push those RPM’s. It’s okay to go a little slower today or idle for a minute. Tomorrow is a new day. It’s all a marathon…sometimes we need to walk, sometimes we need to jog, sometimes we need to sprint. Right now, I’m taking a breather.